the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
did you just send me my own nude
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
