come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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