I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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