my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
