I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
