Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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