508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
