Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
