i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
