it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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