Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
