exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
