I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
