The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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