I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
