I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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