don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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