I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think i peed on brittanys purse
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
