worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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