hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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