then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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