omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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