I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
