my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
