I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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