The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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