I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
