Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
