her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
