Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
