You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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