Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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