You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
