i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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