my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
