Apparently you make a good broom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
