the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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