how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
