we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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