got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
