I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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