She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
