The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
