Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
