there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
