let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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