You can't special order awesome
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
