I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
