In the future we'll all be gay
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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