Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
