i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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