Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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