i think i have two assholes
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
