you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
