umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
