By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
