Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
