All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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