I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
