Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
