Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
