first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
