I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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