When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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