I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
FUCK WHALES
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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