Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
