It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
