hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
