Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
