i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
