R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
